Turning on

Turning on

Have you ever stopped to think about when you feel the sexiest and ready for some amorous attention?

Perhaps when you are feeling confident, safe, secure and relaxed.

Not so much when you are stressed, feeling insecure about your body or have unresolved issues with your partner. Does that sound about right?

We know that mismatched libidos can challenge a relationship, over time, it can create hurt, frustration, insecurity, and resentment. More than that, we know that sex and pleasure offer a multitude of health and mental benefits.

So aside from managing chronic stress by completing our stress cycle, what else can we do to get in the mood? Diana Wiley’s “Women: How to Get Going When You Don’t Feel the Urge” has 4 simple tips.

  1. Practice Mindfulness: Let go of the compulsion to multitask and forget your long to-do list, it will be waiting for you. Stay engaged in the moment by focusing on your senses, taste, touch, sound. Does anyone remember Season 1 of Desperate Housewives when Bree Van Der Pump attempts to seduce her husband in his hotel but gets distracted by a  burrito that is slowly dripping to the ground? Don’t do that!
  2. Purpose is pleasure: Warm yourself up with loving and luxurious caressing and sensual full body massage. Build the anticipation and prolong the pleasure by delaying intercourse and/or orgasm. 
  3. Have fun! Keep it playful, be willing to try new things or change up the approach, setting, attitude, place etc
  4. Use that brain: The OG sex educator, Betty Dodson believed “sexual fantasy is as important as genital stimulation.” Through creative fantasy, you are not only bringing something exciting and new to your sex life, you are also exploring your desires and sexuality (as kinky or taboo or riveting as you desire) in a safe environment. 

Photo Credit: Dainis Graveris