Raised by conservative, Catholic, Vietnamese immigrants, I carried a lot of shame around sex for most of my life. Masturbation felt uncomfortable and foreign. Truth be told, it was not for a complete lack of trying. In my 20s, living in NYC and inspired by the Sex and the City episode “The Turtle and the Hare” where Charlotte became obsessed with her rabbit vibrator, I went to Babeland and invested in a vibrator. Unfortunately, periodic attempts over the years remained underwhelming and I could never let myself completely go and give fully into my pleasure.
Finally, in my 40s, I found myself in a predicament. I was unpartnered for the first time in over 10 years, at the beginning of the pandemic and facing a potentially long dry spell. I had no choice but to take my pleasure into my own hands (literally).
Inspired by Regena Thomashauer’s Pussy: A Reclamation, I decided what I needed was to date and seduce myself.
I put together a sexy playlist, beautified myself, cleaned and staged my bedroom with proper lighting,lit scented candles and made sure I had the right tools (lube and a new vibrator). Most importantly, I took the pressure of getting off, off the table. The focus would be on self exploration and enjoying the sensations. With time and practice, solo sex became a profound expression of self love, liberation and a reclamation of my pleasure.
And yes, I did come (a lot).
Photo Credit: Amy Shamblen
